I wish I had made the time to blog last week, because I was full of gratitude about what I am learning through my diabetes education classes. I was optimistic and solid in the belief that despite the enormity of the daily to-do’s associated with having well-controlled diabetes – and a life – I could do this.
And, boy, was I on a roll. I was testing my sugars 10 times a day. I was using my short-acting insulin religiously. I ordered my diabetes bracelet, which I’ve worn everyday since its arrival. I downloaded glucose monitoring software to my laptop and Blackberry. I started counting and tracking calories through an online program, and exercising everyday.
Impressive, right? “She‘s really turned a corner,” you may be thinking. I thought that, too. I knew I was establishing some sort of order when it came to managing my diabetes. I felt empowered. I felt progressive. I felt proud.
But today, not so much. I am in a glucose high-low freefall because I must not be dosing and eating per the correct timetable or ratio. Despite all my charting and counting, I’m clearly doing it wrong. I’ve allowed my schedule to become too hectic and am on meeting overload which, of course, complicates my ability to maintain a healthy diabetes management schedule. I just ran out of glucose testing strips and needle caps for my insulin pen, but won’t be home to replenish my supplies until 7 pm. Throw in a bag of somewhat heavier life stress than usual this week, and I’m this side of done. I’m grouchy and weepy and really disappointed in myself.
Like a broken sink in a public restroom, I would like to hang a sign around my neck that reads “out of order.” That way clients and friends alike will know that if they turn on the faucet, nothing will come out. Yep, “out of order.” That’s me.
But if you’re going to really identify with a visual like that, you have to go all the way. Because the truth is that if a sink is out of order today, I can safely assume that the building management is on top of the issue. A phone call has been made; a work order has been issued. Matty Maintenance just hasn’t gotten to it yet, but he will, and likely sometime later today that sink will be on the mend.
I have every expectation that if I go into the same restroom tomorrow, the sink will be working again and the “out of order” sign will have been removed. I doubt the building management would say “Out of order, huh? Well, screw it. It’ll just have to stay that way.” Things break down sometimes, and need attention and resolution so that the building can function as a fully operative whole.
So, I, the body manager, must get on top of the issue. A phone call has been made to my diabetes educator to talk through my numbers, where I’m going wrong, and how to change my ratios/timetables to fix the problem. And because I am keeping careful records, I now have the information I need to troubleshoot the problem. That’s progress.
A work order has been issued to me, myself and I: Slow down. Right now. If I can teach people how to live a life “In Business & In Balance,” then I can theoretically do it for myself.
People run out of milk. They run out of gas. It happens, and it’s not a tragedy. I can replenish my testing/insulin supplies when I get home this evening, and I can remember to throw some extras in my briefcase, gym bag and car for the future.
Yes, I’m “out of order” right now, but check back tomorrow. Betcha I’ll be working again.